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rvbuilder(at)sausen.net
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 Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:02 am Post subject: Airline Humor |
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How about some light humor for a change of pace. Some of these are old but a few are new......
Michael Sausen
RV-10 #352 Working on Fuselage
Do Not Archive
Recent RV-10 Build Activity
[b]Airline Humor[/b]
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the
only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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ichelva(at)netspace.net.a
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:31 am Post subject: Airline Humor |
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Michael,
Humour much appreciated - especially after a frustrating day's building.You're quite right about these being old - QANTAS did have a jet accident in 1999 - none hurt though. Aircraft failed to stop on a wet runway, over-ran, and nosegear collapsed on a golf course.
Lots of jokes down under when this happened :
QANTAS - airport to golf course in 5 seconds!
QANTAS pilots are always below par
QANTAS stands for Quite A Neat Trick, Arriving Safely (or Quite A Nice Touchdown - Any Survivors?)
A mother and her son were flying Qantas from Perth to Sydney. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said,”Why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The flight attendant asked, “Did your mother tell you to ask me that?” The boy said that she had. With a grin, the flight attendant said, “Tell your mother it’s because Qantas always pulls out on time.”
Any more out there?
Indran Chelvanayagam
Do not archive
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Rick S.
Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 347
Location: Las Vegas
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:03 pm Post subject: Airline Humor |
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One of my favorite flying trueisims...
"What is the last thing a pilot does before leaving the aircraft after a gear up landing?"
Put the gear handle in the "down" position.
Everytime...
Rick S.
40185
Fuse/Finish
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_________________
Rick S.
RV-10
40185 |
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acs(at)acspropeller.com.a
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| Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:39 pm Post subject: Airline Humor |
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Or......you know you've forgotten to put the wheels down......when it takes
full power to taxi to the ramp.
John
40315
do not archive
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