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dlm46007(at)cox.net
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 Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:18 am Post subject: a break from building |
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Scientific theory: the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.
An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invented the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly- ins?
Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters in that order need two.'
There are only three things a copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round, Sir.
3. I'll take the ugly one, Sir,
There are only three things a wingman should ever say:
1. Two is up.
2. Lead you are on fire.
3. I'll take the fat chick.
As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will happen:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.
There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your airplane better than you. Laws (of Physics) are made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge).
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
To become a jet pilot, one must be an egomaniac with low self esteem.
The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
Ever notice that the experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
Before flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full!
He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night, over water or rugged terrain.
The aircraft limits are only there in case there is to be a future flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.
Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
Hopefully a pilot never runs out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time!!!
"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs."
(from a past President of DELTA Airlines.)
In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.
It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. It's just that goodlooking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so seasoned observers contend.
I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?
Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.
You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, and you weren't nauseated by the food.
FAA Motto: We're not happy, till you're not happy.
Never fly the "A" model of anything!
Never fly anything with the paint still on the rudder pedals!
Never jump out of an airplane unless it's burning.
Always strive to have the same number of takeoffs and landings.
The 4 things of no use to any Aviator:
-the altitude above you,
-the runway behind you,
-the fuel in the truck back at the airport.
-the seat belt you're sitting on.
[quote][b]
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Bill Cannon
Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 11
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:31 pm Post subject: Re: a break from building |
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I've seen most of those but a few are new to me. One of my favorite stories at my airline is ......
This old crusty captain going into IAH was given a late descent and told the controller he'd do what he could to make a crossing restriction. A couple minutes later the controller asked if he'd make it. He responded he was trying his best but it looked like he wouldn't. The controller then asked if he had the boards out (speed brakes). The captain responded "those are for my mistakes not your mistakes".
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